She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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