He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.