I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!