is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.