Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian