i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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