party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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