I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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