K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
