i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
