If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize