saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
