I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
