i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
