I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
