I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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