Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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