is your mom at the bar?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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