that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Less talking, more tequila
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
