remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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