Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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