speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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