Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️