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i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
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