oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.