the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.