weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.