tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
