Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.