After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?