Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
no that's ok