pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.