Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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