first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
