I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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