My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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