So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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