Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
