A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize