So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize