Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
