It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.