So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do