Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.