i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(