In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.