We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
