I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
