hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots