Your mouth is God's brothel.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"