I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage