I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
