trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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