I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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