Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.