Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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