I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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