All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize