i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
