I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
