i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize