So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
