I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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