Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
