Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We left an ass print on the piano.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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