Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him