I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.