Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
